Why I Sit On You Immediately After You Sit Down

This post contains affiliate links. I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase.

Let’s clear this up. When you sit, I sit on you because:

You are warm. I own you. This is how I claim my throne. It’s not clinginess. It’s governance. You are my chosen seat. My cushion. My personal heated chair with emotional support capabilities.

If you’d like to redirect me — which is adorable — you may place cozy blankets, calming beds, or soft pet pillows nearby. I will ignore them for six to eight months, then suddenly decide one is my favorite and act like it was my idea.

This is Everyday Pet Magic. You sit. I sit. That’s the law.

The Midnight Snack Summoning Ritual (According to Ruby)

This post contains affiliate links. I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase.

Hello, human. It’s me, Ruby. Your beloved commander. I need you to understand something important. When the clock strikes “way too late,” I enter my most powerful form. My eyes glow. My paws activate. My stomach sings the Song of Its People. This is the Midnight Snack Summoning Ritual.

You think I ate dinner. I think you’re misinformed.

So I begin Phase One. The soft shuffle. The gentle sigh. The dramatic flop that rattles the galaxy. If you resist, I escalate to Phase Two: staring directly into your soul until you rise from bed like a summoned minion.

You call it manipulation. I call it survival.

If you’d like to automate your obedience, consider installing one of those shiny automatic feeders, slow-feeder bowls, or treat puzzles. They keep my brain busy and your sleep uninterrupted.

But make no mistake. I will still test the ritual. It’s tradition.

The Midnight Zoomie Portal Activates

This post contains affiliate links. I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase.

Every pet has a moment when the laws of physics stop applying. It usually happens around midnight, right when you are trying to act like an adult who sleeps.

This is when the zoomie portal opens. One second your pet is a calm little space potato. The next they are sprinting across the house like they just got chosen for an intergalactic mission.

You do not understand the mission. You are not supposed to. Your job is to survive the chaos and hope nothing gets knocked over. Pets live for this moment. It resets their cosmic energy. It also reminds you who runs the place.

This is Everyday Pet Magic. Pure chaos. Zero warning. Full throttle joy.

The Universal Face of Pet Drama

This post contains affiliate links. I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase.

Every pet has a signature move. Some bark. Some stare into your soul. And some, like this majestic creature, collapse into a full dramatic melt as if the weight of the cosmos has finally crushed them.

This is the universal face of pet drama. The “I can’t believe you said no.” The “life is so unfair.” The “I am emotionally fragile and also possibly starving even though I ate ten minutes ago.”

Pets use this look to control the entire household. It is their most powerful tactic. You stop what you are doing. You take a photo. You fall for it like you always do. They know it works. They have known since the day they arrived on this planet.

This is Everyday Pet Magic in its pure form. A tiny creature doing nothing and somehow winning the whole day.